When Trying Again Feels Scary: Support for Your Next Pregnancy After a Hard Experience
Thinking about trying for another baby after a difficult pregnancy, miscarriage, fertility struggles, or a traumatic birth can bring up a confusing mix of emotions.
Hope and fear.
Longing and hesitation.
Excitement and grief - often all at once.
Many women describe feeling as though they’re standing with one foot in the future, imagining the family they still hope for, while the other foot remains anchored in the pain of what they’ve already been through. If this resonates with you, please know this: you are not alone, and nothing about this response is wrong.
Why Trying Again Can Feel So Hard
When your previous experience involved loss, trauma, or prolonged uncertainty, your mind and body naturally try to protect you.
Even if part of you wants to move forward, your nervous system may still be on high alert. You might notice yourself:
Feeling fearful or hesitant about trying again
Imagining all the “what ifs”
Struggling to trust your body
Pulling back emotionally when you start to feel hopeful
Feeling guilty for being scared when you “should” feel ready
These reactions aren’t a sign of weakness. They’re a sign that something mattered deeply and that your body remembers what you’ve been through.
“Why Am I Still Scared?”
One of the most common things I hear in counselling is:
“I thought I’d be ready by now.”
Readiness isn’t just a logical decision. It’s emotional and physical too.
You can understand, rationally, that the past doesn’t determine the future and still feel fear rise in your body. Trauma lives not only in memory, but in sensation. Sometimes the fear comes from experiences your mind hasn’t fully had the chance to process yet.
That doesn’t mean you’re stuck.
It means your system is asking for care.
Pregnancy After Loss or Trauma Is Different — And That’s Okay
Trying to conceive again after loss or trauma often looks very different from earlier experiences. Many women notice that:
Joy feels cautious
Excitement is mixed with anxiety
Planning ahead feels difficult
Hope can feel unsafe
There can also be guilt. Guilt for wanting another baby, guilt for feeling scared, guilt for imagining life moving forward.
Here’s something important to know: grief and hope can exist together. We can experience two or more emotions at the same time. Confusing I know, but true.
You don’t have to “get over” what happened to want something more.
How Counselling Can Help When You’re Stuck Between Wanting and Fear
Pregnancy support counselling provides a safe space to explore the emotions that surface when you’re considering trying again,without judgement and without pressure to decide anything before you’re ready.
Support may involve:
Making sense of past experiences that still feel heavy
Understanding how your nervous system responds to fear
Learning ways to ground yourself when anxiety rises
Gently processing trauma at your own pace
For women who have experienced miscarriage, birth trauma, or fertility-related trauma, EMDR therapy can be particularly helpful. EMDR supports the brain and body to process unresolved experiences so they no longer feel as overwhelming in the present. It doesn’t erase your history. It simply reduces the emotional intensity attached to it.
Gentle Reminders If You’re Considering Trying Again
If you’re in this space right now, here are a few things I want you to hear:
You don’t have to rush this decision
Fear doesn’t mean you’re not ready, it often means you care deeply
Wanting another baby doesn’t diminish the love you hold for what you’ve lost
You’re allowed to feel conflicted
Support can help you move forward with more steadiness and clarity
Your next experience does not have to feel the same as your last. With the right support, it can feel different - safer, calmer, and more supported.
Support Is Available
If you’re longing for another baby but carrying fear from the past, you don’t have to navigate this alone.
I offer perinatal counselling in Tamworth NSW and telehealth support Australia-wide for women navigating pregnancy after loss, trauma, or fertility challenges.
When you’re ready, I’m here.
